The Practice

chłopak i dziewczyna

Rather than only a feeling, what if love was an art-form, a craft or a practice? Like meditation, or painting, or chess or tennis – or a hundred different things we invest energy in over a life time – what if love were a lot more like this?

If that were true, then what would that practice look like? What would it take to hone and refine our capacity as an ‘artist’ over time? How would that shift how we think and talk about love as well?

Smiling Senior Couple

These are some of the other questions taken up in this book – amplifying the answers provided by some remarkable authors, researchers and actual couples from their own hard-won experiences. When you have a chance, I would love to hear what you think about all that is discussed – so please also share your thoughts when you can (see “share your story” on the main page).

Happy Senior Couple at Sunset

Let’s admit it, though – for most people, the idea of love as a practice that can develop, deepen and grow over time sounds a bit odd. After all, when was the last time you actually saw anything in the surrounding culture that tells us that such a thing is even possible?

And that’s just the point:  we don’t see a whole lot of these examples. And so understandably, we come away thinking love is something very different indeed.

One aim of this book has been to gather together some of the counter-cultural voices daring to question the current status quo of romance. When I set out to do this, I was blown away at how many people I found saying similar things. From authors, journalists and therapists to brain scientists, sociologists and anthropologists – from religious to secular communities, from liberal to conservative backgrounds, from American to Australian nationalities – I’ve found thoughtful people from many backgrounds reaching very similar conclusions: something strange and confusing is happening with romance in our modern culture – and it’s time to talk about it!


For those interested in exploring these ideas in-person, I am collaborating with several other mindfulness teachers and professional moderators to run some experimental large-group “meet-ups,” where like-minded singles who value a commitment-oriented, match-seeking approach to dating come together to get acquainted and participate in a series of semi-structured dialogues and social experiences to try out a ‘different way of doing this.’

Separately, we’re also considering an independent group for couples currently in a relationship who are trying to make a decision about next steps. If interested in either gathering, go ahead and send me a note at